Years ago, I was in a pop-up fitness store with Debbie Williamson (my business partner here at Life Mastery Business Academy) while we were out on the road leading an out of town yoga teacher training.
At the time, Debbie’s yoga empire was booming – she was doing better financially than she’d ever done before, and she was appropriating some of that money to charities she believed in, some to savings and taxes, etc, but she still struggled with purchasing anything solely for herself.
As Debbie and I wandered the store, she saw a number of things she liked, but eventually she found her way to a funky pair of (intentionally) mismatched socks. They were knee highs, and warm and cozy for the cold, wet Wisconsin winters. She loved the colors, the texture, and the way they made her feel playful and creative.
She picked them up, carried them around the store, and just before she was about to check out, she glanced at the price tag and noticed that this pair of socks was $18. I watched her stop dead in her tracks, then turn and take the socks back to the display to put them back.
“Debbie!” I said. “What are you doing? You love those and you never buy a thing for yourself. AND, every pair of socks you have has at least one hole in them.”
“I know,” she said, “but I just don’t feel it’s the responsible thing to do to spend $18 for one pair of socks.”
I asked her if she’d buy them if I had said that I wanted them, and she said yes. I asked her what she’d say to her husband if he wanted to buy the socks, and she said she’d tell him to buy them and enjoy them. But nothing I said could convince her to buy the socks for herself.
Have you, dear reader, ever really wanted something that could make your day (and life) brighter but then deprived yourself of it because you didn’t feel worthy of it for some reason?
As women creating prosperity and abundance in all forms (spiritual, emotional, and yes, even financial), it can be interesting to shine a light on our ability to be generous with others but less so with ourselves.
Debbie left the store empty-handed that day.
Can you relate?
If you relate to this experience, you might enjoy the following journal prompt:
(1) Take a moment to answer these questions in your journal: When you are drawn to a person, place, thing or experience, can you isolate what about it attracts you? Is there a feeling that occurs when you imagine being in possession of this thing you want? Is this underlying feeling (the feeling you want to feel that you believe this thing can give you) something you can create another way? And, on the flip side, if you know you want it, know you can afford it, and feel guilt when you think of obtaining it, do you know why or what’s behind that feeling of guilt?
(2) Read your answers back to yourself out loud, and then below the answers to your questions, respond to your answers and give yourself some loving advice in writing, as if you were writing to a friend who had just bared her soul on this topic with you. Be kind, be honest and be supportive.
(3) Make a list of experiences (free or paid) that you can create for yourself that help you to realize and celebrate that you are worthy of love and rewards just like the people you care about in your life. Pick one to do this week!
Debbie and I have a code phrase now when we notice the other being conspicuously UN-generous with herself.
The phrase is, “Buy the socks, Debbie!”
To feel abundance, sometimes it is important to splurge on something or create an experience for yourself that reminds you that you are just as worthy as the people around you. So to YOU I now say, “Buy the DAMN socks!”
Additional Resources
Solmate Mismatched Knee High Socks – If you truly want to buy the Socks mentioned in the story (I got them online for Debbie for Christmas later that same year for a laugh and for a reminder), you can find them on Amazon. Aren’t they fun?
I Thought it Was Just Me, (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What will people think?” to “I am Enough” – This book by Brene Brown helps bridge the gap between our imperfections and vulnerabilities to our sense of belonging in the world. If this shows up for you in your life, it’s a great tool to begin to explore why and to shift your perspective about who you are and why you matter too.
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